My Trans Day of Visibility (and Snacks)

On the joys of being transgressively gendered, and good snacks

Vol. 24

ESSAY | NOW READ THIS | READ LOCAL | IN-PERSON THINGS | FINAL FRAME

To be (perceived) or not to be (perceived)

That is the question today, on International Transgender Day of Visibility. On the one hand, seeking greater visibility for a marginalized population of people is a crucial part of making sure they can’t be so easily swept aside or dismissed entirely. It’s how more people might see something familiar in themselves and be able to step into a more authentic existence. It’s role modeling and community and joy.

But, it can also bring an unwanted spotlight for people living without a safety net.

Interviewed in Vice, trans activist and educator Tuck Woodstock notes, “Trans people being hyper-visible is actively harming us…because when you are visible but you are not protected, you are in danger.”

And that’s the double-edged sword of it all, isn’t it? We need visibility, but without also having protections and understanding, it can come at a cost that no one should have to pay.

That’s why I love complimentary actions like Woodstock’s “Trans Day of Having a Nice Snack,” a mutual aid campaign to raise money to give trans folks small joys like tasty snack foods and basic necessities. This year, he’s focused on sending that aid to trans people living in U.S. states that have passed anti-trans legislation (you can donate and/or sign up to receive donations via this form).

If you’re looking for another great way to support trans people, I will once again recommend donating to Point of Pride via Mercury Stardust and Jory’s MASSIVE fundraiser for trans healthcare, running right now (and already passed the $1 million mark, if you want something to make you smile today).

A day of visibility is also as good a time as any to remind myself and others that 1) trans people are not all “visibly” trans and there is no one “right” way to be trans! 2) not all trans people can afford to—or event want to—medically transition or get surgery. You can be trans without doing a single thing to change your body; 3) trans people have existed throughout human history and every culture, and there are millions ways to be trans (many not even referred to by that term)—just like there are a 8 billion ways to be human!

Especially in this frankly terrifying era of trans people being demonized and used as political props by the absolute worst actors out there, it’s crucial that we all do more to engage with and amplify the voices, actions, and leadership of trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people—especially those living at multiple intersections of oppression. It’s been an invaluable life lesson for me to learn that prioritizing and working to solve the issues faced by members of the most marginalized communities is the right thing to do generally, AND also is the best way to positively impact ALL of society.

You know what else I’ve learned from trans and gender non-conforming people? That I am one of them.

So on this day of LOOK AT US, I am finally ready to say that I count among the “us.”

It has been…a journey. And it will continue to be one, I’ve no doubt. I grew up at a time when there were no examples, no role models accessible to me, of being anything other than cisgender. The term “non-binary” did not yet exist. I wonder now if I would have gravitated toward the ID if it had been present during my adolescence. It doesn’t feel quite right for me now, though, which is why I prefer “genderqueer.” Because my gender is hella queer. Which is to say, I feel deeply feminine, deeply masculine, and deeply some other secret, third thing that I can’t name. If non-binary works for you, great! I think everyone should get to pick the nest that feels most comfy for them.

Which brings me to “trans.” I haven’t been sure if I should or can count myself as part of that beautiful umbrella, too. Part of that has definitely been due to internalized transphobia that’s hard to avoid in this culture and that I’ve been working hard to unpack and undo, but part of it has also been a genuine question. Do I belong here? Am I welcome? But then I recently learned about how Kate Bornstein and Leslie Feinberg defined “transgender” in a 1996 interview and it blew my mind wide open. Bornstein begins by saying:

To me, “transgender” means “transgressively gendered;” that is, any kind of transgression against the mores and codes that would make up “gender” in the culture.

They both elaborate on this concept further (and it is very worth watching), but that’s the core of it. And since I know I’m not really cis (i.e. totally aligned with the sex I was assigned at birth and the gender mores that our culture has assigned to that sex), then hell, I guess it follows that I do belong under this umbrella after all.

Like I said, there are endless of ways to be trans, and it’s just taken me 41 years to figure out what mine is.

I still have a part of me that aligns strongly with the word “woman”—after all, I fought tooth-and-nail for years to be recognized as such in the first place—and she’s not alone in there. The woman in me is butch as hell, soft and tough all at once. She’s my masculine side. My feminine side is a flaming, fabulous, nurturing queer boy. And the two swim in a lovely genderqueer stew that’s filled with feelings and expressions and attributes that I’ve yet to (and may never) entirely name. I love them all, because they’re all me.

(*Still using she/her and they/them pronouns, FYI)

Some day, I hope we build a world where we can all explore and embrace every single part of ourselves, from birth, without fear or negative repercussion. I think most people contain more than one rigidly binary self, in a variety of configurations. That doesn’t mean I think no one is a woman or a man, I just think our current (white, Western) definitions of what those are are deeply flawed, and that there are a lot more options overall.

So wherever you are on your journey, be kind to yourselves and those around you, babes. Find joy where you can. Fight like hell for a better world. Drink water. Take a nap. Be visible or not. Do what’s right for you. We are all beautiful and needed and loved. Never forget that.

Now Read This.

“On Trans Day of Visibility, We Must Fight Anti-Trans Disinformation” [Imara Jones and Margaret Huang for Newsweek]

Anti-transgender disinformation is proliferating online and in conservative media and political landscapes. With deep roots in the white Christian nationalist movement, anti-trans rhetoric and disinformation are centered around the myth that transgender identities are not real.

“Most Trans Adults Say Transitioning Made Them More Satisfied With Their Lives” [The Washington Post]

“The worst day I’ve ever had as a trans person is still better than the best days I had pre-transition…That’s not to say that I don’t look fondly on the memories of my life, but at the end of the day, not living authentically was terrible, and I would rather live authentically than hide a version of myself to appease people I don’t even know.”

“The Stranger” [John Paul Brammer at Hola Papi]

This is what I find so appealing about travel. In seeing a foreign place, you see yourself, foreign. You see that breakfast has been leading a different sort of life on another continent, that certain savory ingredients have found their way into dessert, that places of worship aspire to different heavens with different faces from the cathedral back home, that nothing about your “normal” is necessarily normal at all. A successful voyage abroad involves destruction—something is shattered, or something can never be seen the same way again, because I know it can be done so differently.

"The Card Says 'Moops'": A Guide to Right-Wing Discourse” [Ian Danskin via The Present Age]

So it’s kinda funny, right, how many of these folks self-identify as “rationalists?” I mean, typical rational thinking would say: If I am presented with the truth, I will believe it, and, once I believe it, I will defend it in argument. This? This is not that! This is a different idea of “rationality” that views it not as a practice but as an innate quality one either possesses or lacks, like being blond or left-handed: If I’m arguing it, I must believe it, because I’m a rational person, and, if I believe it, because I’m a rational person, it must be true. You speak assuming you’re right, and, should you take a new position, this telescopes out into a whole new set of beliefs with barely a thought. Stay focused on the argument, and you won’t even notice it’s happening.

“Why Are Women so Marginalised by the Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame?” [Courtney Love for The Guardian]

If the Rock Hall is not willing to look at the ways it is replicating the violence of structural racism and sexism that artists face in the music industry, if it cannot properly honour what visionary women artists have created, innovated, revolutionised and contributed to popular music – well, then let it go to hell in a handbag.

“The Unlearned Lessons From the War in Iraq” [Spencer Ackerman for The Nation]

Iraq demonstrates an innovation in American imperial amnesia: You don’t have to consider the lessons of a war if that war doesn’t end—let alone pay reparations for those you killed, tortured, and displaced.

Read Local.

“Let’s All Just Move Into One of Gloria Reyes’ Imaginary Homes” [Christina Lieffring for Tone]

In neither discussion does Reyes address the elephant in the room: into what houses? On this date, March 14, I am searching for homes under $200,000 in Madison on Zillow and have found four condos, about a dozen mobile/manufactured homes (which, despite the much-touted virtues of “ownership,” are at high risk of eviction), and the rest are empty lots. If you can scrape together enough money to get a $200,000 loan, you can buy a plot of dirt. Oh, and all of these lots are on the edges of the city.

“Drag queen Andi Withani Domino works to uplift LGBTQ youth” [Jessie Opoien for the Cap Times]

“To speak broadly about the previous drag generation, ever since I came out as gay in fifth grade and went to Milwaukee PrideFest, before I even started drag, this community was so welcoming and supportive and empowering. More specifically for drag, the last generation has really taken care to reinforce the idea that I deserve to be here, and that I belong here, and that I have a voice that I should be using.”

WISCONSIN, PLEASE VOTE ON APRIL 4! (or before, in-person/absentee)

Find your polling place, what’s on your ballot, and whether you’re registered at your current address at myvote.wi.gov.

This election is absolutely crucial and we need all hands on deck to elect Judge Janet Protasiewicz to the WI State Supreme Court - fair maps, reproductive rights, and a whole lot more are on the line.

In-Person Things!

I am ridiculously honored (and honestly pretty nervous) to have been invited to host a conversation with author and Japenese Breakfast frontperson Michelle Zauner when she comes to Madison for the Wisconsin Book Festival next Friday, April 7 at the Barrymore Theater. She’s here in support of the paperback release of her breathtaking memoir, “Crying in H Mart,” and the event is free and open to the public. See you there? Wish me luck!

Final Frame.

After the final snow of the season (I HOPE) last week I took a little walk out at Pheasant Branch in Middleton, to one of my favorite spots by the springs. On the way, I spotted two kestrels up on the power lines, getting amorous. A good omen, I think! I didn’t get a photo of that (I’m not a creeper) but I did get the springs, which are always worth looking at.

Til Next Time.

Thanks for reading! Hit me up with questions, comments, suggestions, and tips on great hiking spots. And please feel free to forward this email to a friend and/or hit that subscribe button. xoxo