This post originally published on June 28, 2022.
Vol. 16
Hi there. How are you holding up? Do you have people to hold you? Are you drinking enough water? I’m trying. It is a horrible time in human affairs, but the sun is shining in Madison today, flowers are blooming, and the baby birds in the nest outside our window seem to be doing well.
I’ve let this newsletter go by the wayside for a while. Life has been…extra challenging. I’ve been dealing with deaths, loved ones in crisis and serious illness. I started therapy again, thank goodness. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court just ordered that we have no right to bodily autonomy. They are destroying the separation of Church and State. They’re coming for marriage equality and contraceptive access and privacy in the bedroom. In statehouses across the country, they’ve been gunning for transgender people in particular, LGBTQ folks generally, and our immigrant neighbors and friends.
Things feel fucking bleak, is the thing. On any given day, I vacillate between incandescent rage and deep, soul-shaking sorrow. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack earlier this month. It's a shock. It doesn't yet feel entirely real. I hadn’t seen him in person in over a year because he’s lived in Oklahoma since he and I moved there in 1998. I was in high school then. He was fresh off the death of his childhood sweetheart and wife, my mom, and we began to drift apart almost immediately. He remarried, got the grandkids he wanted and never got from my siblings or me. Rebuilt and served his community. Lived his life, a pretty good one.
These things happen. It’s a long story. Now, 14 years later, I’m headed back to Oklahoma with my partners and my siblings to attend his funeral at a church in the middle of that wide-open, beautiful, awful place. A state that has long been ruled by the same Christofascists currently ascendant at the national level. A place where my visible queerness and poly-ness will mean the real possibility of harassment, even violence.
But I go because I have to - I’m not about to miss my own dad’s funeral because some people can’t stop themselves from being hateful bigots. Because I loved my father, who taught me how to drive and how to play ball and how to walk through life with an open and curious mind/heart. Because I have the immense privilege of rolling up with my family and my community at my back. Because I know there are queers there, too, some of whom can’t be out yet for much more pressing safety concerns, and sometimes just being able to see someone living out and proud is enough to keep you going for another day. The promise of community.
That’s the lesson. The things worth doing are only worth doing with and for each other. I draw it from the history of queer and trans people (especially queer and trans people of color), who have always known that our only hope for survival and for thriving is to build community, our own families, our own networks and support structures. No matter how bleak things get, this has to be our focus. Right now, it’s the only way forward that I can see.
Even though I’m tired and most days all I want to do is run away to become a forest crone, I am instead trying to find more ways to connect, to plug in. The good news is that people have already been working hard to create and sustain networks of care and support. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel or start from scratch. In fact, especially for those of us who are white and newer to the fight, we absolutely should not fancy ourselves the heroes or the saviors, the lone wolves or main characters. I am reminding myself to stay humble and patient, to figure out what I have to offer and then find people/organizations that might make use of me and my skills. I urge you to do the same - we all have something to give. It’s a much more sustainable way of acting, too.
Below, then, is a list of suggestions for ways to get involved and to help. Because SCOTUS may have dealt us and our rights a body blow, but no one can truly take our freedoms without our permission. There are always ways to fight back, to subvert, to show radical love.
Remember, as Mariame Kaba says, that “hope is a discipline.” It is not a passive act. We don’t win overnight. Stay the course. Take care of you and yours so you don’t burn out quickly. We have to be in this for the long-haul. One of my favorite Midwest writers put it well:
“We get organized. We cannot do this alone,” says Lyz Lenz, who writes the Men Yell At Me newsletter. “We cannot bootstrap our way through it. Already, organizations and networks exist that are doing the work. Our job is to join their networks and give them our time and talent and money. You might not like every activist in your town (I sure don’t). But guess what? Who cares? Put your ego aside and get the work done.”
Some ideas:
Find a local mutual aid group to get involved.
National Network of Abortion Funds has information about and ways to donate directly to your local abortion fund (please do this rather than donating to Planned Parenthood, as the local funds are much better positioned to directly support people right away)
Here is a link to a Google document that has good resources for information, training, and best practices for your activism.
List of abortion funds in every state. These independent organizations will also have information on how you can volunteer and get involved.
Abortion Access Front is hosting a training on July 17 - can you host a viewing party?
Remember that these groups are probably overwhelmed right now. Follow up in a month. Be persistent and polite. Remember, they’ve been doing the work for years.
Wisconsin-specific information
Wisconsin Women’s Medical Fund (which supports all women, trans and cis, as well as queer folks)
Diverse & Resilient works by and for queer and trans people of color in the Milwaukee area, with a specific focus on health and wellness
GSAFE is Wisconsin’s main resource for queer and trans youth, providing leadership training and direct support for school GSAs and lobbying for pro-LGBTQ policies
Mutual Aid Madison - Facebook group for people asking for and/or able to give direct support to folks in need
Protest resources
Riot Medicine - downloadable, free field guides for people doing protest medic work and/or just interested in good best practices and first aid for protest situations.
I love you. Keep going.